By Fadia Bint Ismail
We must realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change. Just like the pain of being burned is what warns us to remove our hand from the fire, emotional pain warns us that we need to make an internal change. That we need to detach. Pain is a form of forced detachment. Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more Dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it.
How to make the change:
To make the change is very easy but it takes hard work, i myself have faced many difficulties and Inshallah what worked for me will perhaps help many others. I have listed steps in how we can all make a change within ourselves.
The first step: Is to reflect because immediate detachment does not just happen overnight.
The second step: Is to make Istigfaar (Repentance). Making Istigfaar before you do anything helps you to rid yourself from any intentional and unintentional sins that may have caused you to be in the state you are currently perhaps in. It also helps create sincerity within in your heart, which is a big factor in changing what is in yourself. If you have a sincere heart, your speech and your actions will be sincere.
The third step: Is to make Dua to Allah (SWT). You could write down what is making you feel sad etc…. and then when you are making Dua to Allah speak exactly what you are feeling and what you have written down, sometimes we are lost and we feel like we cannot speak to Allah because what could we possibly say but trust me even if we stumble with our words Allah knows what is in our hearts and if our Istigfaar is sincere surely our hearts will speak what our mouths cannot. Allah loves us to ask of him and he loves to listen to us, rather complain to him than to others. A good Dua to make that someone once told me, this is a Dua that they had in their heart. “O Allah my heart is in turmoil, please do not let me be a test for others and let them not be a test for me, O Allah fix what is broken in me and strengthen my Emaan”
The Fourth step: There are many Nawafil prayers that could help us. There is Salatul Tahajjud (The night time prayer) this should be done before fajr or in the middle of the night. Allah loves it when we get up and its dark and we seclude ourselves just to worship him. Salatul Hajah (The prayer for a Need) if you have a need you would like to be fulfilled this would be a wonderful Nemaaz to make. There are many other Nawafil prayers but i just wanted to mention 2 of them which could help us all Inshallah. Also never forget that our five daily prayers are most crucial and should help us even further because that is the first thing we will be held accountable for. An Islamic scholar told me without your 5 daily prayers not even Thikr will work, so everything we wish to do should follow after we have completed what is Fard (compulsory) upon us.
There are also types of Thikr and salawaat that one could make. Most importantly recite Ayatul Qursi, Surah Fathiha and also the three kuls every night after your Nemaaz. I can say from experience i would recommend this to every Muslim who is facing any difficulty. Thikr should be done every single day to help us strengthen our bond with Allah (SWT) and to send blessings and salutations upon our beloved Nabi (SAW). Thikr is a means in helping us strengthen our Emaan to shield us against evil.
The Fifth step: This could be the very last step and that is to then detach yourself from everything that has been causing you grief. If you have reached this step and you have already detached from the grief then Alhamdulilah that is the general aim because through reflection, Istigfaar, dua, Nawafil prayers, our five daily prayers and Thikr it should have strengthened you and you should already see the effects within yourself.
The best way to make a change within yourself is to follow the Holy Quran and Sunnah of our Holy Prophet (SAW). This will equip us to deal with many difficult things in our lives and also bring tremendous blessings to ourselves and others.
A good reminder that I would like to share with everyone. You are upset you feel like you cannot forgive those who have hurt you, your mind is so negative and all you can do is be miserable this could be very destructive for yourself and for others because you may not be intentionally wishing harm to befall others but your negativity and your hurt is so strong that it can break even the strongest barriers so you should constantly remind yourself that there are people who are dealing with even worse matters and that Allah creates a solution to every problem. One very important thing to remember when you are going to sleep at night Allah (SWT) takes our souls out of our bodies and the angel then asks him what should we do with this one, should we pull the plug or should we put it back, now from this we should know when we rest our head to sleep our minds and hearts should be clear from pain, hatred and grief. Forgive those who have hurt you and remember think well of Allah.
Thinking well of Allah means to know that Allah does whatever he wishes. Remain patient because when Allah takes something away from you it is not to harm you but to help you so that he can enrich your life with something far greater than you could have ever imagined.
To end off I would like this to be a reminder first and foremost for myself. May Allah protect us All and grant us all Sabr and contentment. May we strengthen our Emaan and do everything which pleases Allah (SWT).