By Fadia Bint Ismail
My heart feels like its crushing and falling into despair.
Beneath me I see the deepest darkest hole.
I feel like I could just plunge and fall.
My hands and knees are on the ground.
The tears are falling from my eyes.
My heart pounding like it could just explode.
I feel like I have lost all senses.
This feeling is uncontrollable.
The darkness has engulfed my entire being.
I reach out wrapping myself in my own arms.
How did I get here?
How did I fall so far?
My senses are lost.
My mind is out of control and my emotion has led me on a dark path of no return.
I cry out. Where are you?
O Allah I am not your most favourable slave. But I need you.
My heart. My soul. My entire being longs for you.
My Emaan has weakened. O Allah guide me.
Take away the disturbances of my heart.
My head is on the ground. My hands stretched out. The tears will not stop.
O Allah. Forgive me. Bring me out of this darkness.
I beseech to you in your beautiful names.
O Allah you are As-Salam the Source of Peace.
O Allah you are Al-Ghaffar, The Forgiving and the only one who can forgive.
O Allah you Al-Basit, The Reliever. Relieve me from my distress.
O Allah you are Al-Halim, The Forbearing. Help me to forbear this test, to remain patient in this quest.
O Allah you are Al-Muhyi, Al-Mumit, The Giver and Taker of Life.
Help me to restore my life before I take my last breathe.
O Allah you are An-Nur, The Light. O Allah light my way.
Free me from this Darkness.