Category: Tazkiyah- Purifying Your Heart

Understanding the Weights and the Loads

There are so many people holding onto heavy loads trying to make it through the race. People are holding onto sadness and grief, fears and insecurities, anger, and all the other limiting emotions.

Limiting and difficult emotions are normal to experience, and we are rewarded for enduring challenges with patience and perseverance. But after those events have brought us back to Allah (swt), it’s time to let go of the pain. And subhan‘Allah (glory be to God), we have always had the power to do that.

Letting go does not mean giving up or justifying wrongs. It means you are willing to continue the race with all the lessons learned, without carrying the emotional load with you. In place of bitterness and feeling victimized, you allow yourself to feel free, and even grateful for the wisdom and reward attained.
Experiencing negative emotions is not wrong, rather very normal and human, and it can even be a blessing that reminds us to turn to Allah (swt). But after we have turned to Him, we go back to being content with Him and His decree. We let go of the attachments of needing sadness, of needing anxiety and fear to protect us and help us, because we have Allah (swt) to do those things and we have been given power over our own immediate choices to work for them.

Negative emotions, when held onto, become part of the attachments of Dunya (this world). They are the weights attached to the runner as they try to run to Allah (swt) and get exhausted early. A traumatic life event is the heavy load that someone carries over their shoulders after the calamity has passed and they have the ability to put it down. Sometimes it takes the help of others to say, “Here, let me help you put that down. You don’t need to carry it anymore.” Some are so used to the weight, they’re actually afraid of what it would feel like to live without it. The heavy load allowed them to turn to Allah (swt) and they are afraid that putting it down would mean they would forget Him and become heedless. So we have to understand something:

What does Allah (swt) Himself want for us? While remembering Allah (swt) during our moments of weakness is a blessing from Him, He is more Merciful to us than His wanting us to hold onto that weakness in order to feel close to Him. Actually the opposite is encouraged: The Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us,

The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both. Guard over that which benefits you, seek Allah’s assistance, and don’t lend yourself to things devoid of benefit, and if something befalls you, then don’t say ‘If I only would have done such and such,’ rather say ‘Allâh ordained this and He does what He wills’ for verily the phrase ‘If I would have’ makes way for the work of the Devil.” (Muslim)

Imam al-Nawawi commented, “The intended meaning of strength here is a firm will and a desire to work for the Hereafter. So the one being described as a strong believer is more bold and stern against the enemy in Jihad, quicker to go out and searching for striving in Allah’s path, more in his enjoining the good and forbidding the evil, in his patience with the harms he faces throughout, and stronger in the way he carries out difficult tasks for Allah’s sake. He loves to pray, fast, make Thikr(remembrance of Allah), and perform the rest of the acts of worship, and he is more active in seeking after these affairs, as he keeps a closer watch over his performance of them.” (Sharh Muslim (9/341))

Allah (swt) is more Merciful than His wanting us to punish ourselves with hardship, pain, self-imposed weakness and heaviness. He wants for us ease and lightness despite the natural human tendency towards weakness:

“Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship.” (Qur’an, 2:185)

“And Allah wants to lighten for you .your difficulties; and mankind was created weak.” (Qur’an, 4:28)

Furthermore, whenever there is a command in the Qur’an or from the Prophet (saw) it means that following such a command is humanly possible. Here are just a few examples that show the option to hold onto an emotion or not is within our control: Allah mentions in the Qur’an:

“Do not be weak and do not be sad.” (Qur’an 3:139)

And to Musa (as) (peace be upon him) and Harun (as):

“(Allah) said, ‘Fear not. Indeed, I am with you both; I hear and I see.’” (Qur’an, 20:46)

The Prophet (saw) mentions, “Don’t become angry.”

Tricks of the Mind and Nafs (Ego)

It is interesting to note that ‘sadness’ in particular and emotions in general are often spoken about in English as nouns, making them seem static, unmoving, like you cannot do anything about them once they are there but wait for them to go away on their own. People become overwhelmed by their emotions when they feel they are static, and when they think they can’t control them, so instead of trying to regain control they simply give in, and even justify it. In Arabic, emotions are often used as active verbs that include the responsible party in the verb. So it’s as if it’s saying, “Don’t you do sadness,” or “Don’t you do fear.” Meaning, when it comes to holding onto emotions, we are the active doers, doing it to ourselves. The nafs has tricked us into thinking we have no power over these weights, these loads we’re carrying. The nafs also tells us we need these weights in order to succeed, that they make us stronger. And sometimes they do, but only when we have learned about our power to remove them. Otherwise, the weights carried indefinitely lead to massive health and psychological problems, rather than strength. It continuously lies to us, like any oppressor for no other reason other than staying in charge, so that these lies control our direction. Subhan’Allah, fear and anxiety don’t help us become safer They actually make us panic and become less safe.

Anger makes us lose control even though people choose to become angry in order to gain control. Feeling self-pity, actively maintaining the ‘victim’ mentality does not bring the promise of self-approval or control in life. It makes the person desperate for the attention and approval of others (aka riya’), and can even lead to manipulative behavior in trying to control others. Holding onto sadness after loss doesn’t make experiencing the loss any easier, it makes it harder and more prolonged, more acutely felt.

To conclude this part, the nafswants us to hold on dearly to all the emotions that can make us a slave to it.

Letting go is about freeing our souls so we can run to Allah (swt), feeling secure, loved, and in control in the presence of al-Mawlaa, al-Wadud, and al-Qaadir. May Allah (swt) allow us to let go of that which slows us down in the race to Him, and may He make us of the strong believers.


Islam and Ego (Online YouTube Video)
Speaker:  Br. Nouman Ali Khan
1) Remember Allah(swt)
  • Don’t do thoughtless Dhikr, contemplate, don’t just say without thinking. For example say Alhamdullilah, Mashahlah and ShukarAlhamdulilah during your day when it has meaning and basis that you can appreciate.
  • Learn to be Uncomfortable with Praise: If someone praises you, just bring it back to Allah(swt). Say to the other person, I don’t need your praise – I just need your dua. Don’t praise me. Put yourself down and bring light to the truth, the Creator of All things – Allah(swt) and His Will. When someone praises you, it hurts you because it boosts your EGO. So tell others to stop praising you.
  • When someone is condensing towards you and is real nasty to you its a good way to put down your EGO – so they may have been doing you a favor. Think about it. This may inshallah be a gift from Allah(Swt) the gift of Humility.
  • Learn to Serve people – for the Sake of Allah(swt)
  • Keep things gradual – don’t burn yourself out.
  • If you do things for Allah(Swt) and you seem frustrated when you don’t see results (from your work, MSA, Masjid, etc.) then change your attitude and change your intention – You won’t be frustrated because you put your expectations with Allah(Swt). Your not in charge of results – thats all up to Allah(Swt). So even if you put in a lot of work passing out flyers and no one shows up you may be frustrated…but don’t be, don’t internalize this frustration – Allah(Swt) takes care of all things. Be happy that your not the one in charge of results. Just do your part with the right attitude and intention and seriousness. And you become satisfied with yourself.
2) Find better company – find company of people better than yourself so you be surrounded with those best in character and so you may learn something
3) Keep your mouth shut – If you see something really bad, find a humble way of giving advice to a muslim. Find a loving soft way to pull people into Islam. Don’t change their behavior first, change their heart.  Most time we go after people’s behaviors. There hearts must change first and then their behavior. Its your job to just remind and make dua to Allah(swt), not to go after another persons behavior. The first person to benefit from a sincere reminder is the one who gives a sincere reminder.
  • Be patient. Prophet Muhammad (saws) reminded people for over 10 years.
  • You may never see benefit but it benefits.
  • The words are coming from you and the effect is coming from Allah(Swt). If your words are not affecting others then theres probably something wrong with you. Look to yourself first. Don’t worry about results – just do what your suppose to do.
On Knowledge
People turn knowledge into a means to inflate their ego – because they wanted to dominate others.
This deen is for those who are humble.

On Sincerity

  • If you are in a position of Leadership how do you give counsel to someone – especially if they are muslim?
  • Learn to be tolerant. Do not justify wrong behavior – but remember to be nice about your speech, be SINCERE.  Sincerity shows. There is a difference – are you someone who is not nice in your speech and you put others down, or do you show sincerity – where you are humble in your actions and you bring yourself to humble level.
  • How do you know if you are sincere? After an incident when someone hurt’s you by their words or actions you 1) Forgive them 2) Ask Allah(swt) to forgive them (all in private). The private dua is sincere.
  • How to also be sincere: Treat everyone decently by respecting and and listening to their views – take their opinion if beneficial, just talk to them. Consult them so they feel dignified. Prophet Muhammad (saws) didn’t need to consult for decisions because he got revelation and then could make decisions, but he still consulted others to make them feel included. To make them feel dignified.
Allah(swt) is the key to success. Place your decisions in trust with Allah(swt).
When it comes to putting in effort:
  • I’m going to make the best effort possible and the results are in my hands.
  • I’m going to make no effort and the results are in Allah(swt) hands.
  • I’m going to make the best effort and the results are in Allah(swt) hands.

Asalaamualaikum to my Muslim sisters and brothers in Islam. i came across a post a while back about cleansing our hearts. i thought i should share it and Inshallah help those who want to cleanse their hearts for the sake of Allah.

Your relationship with Allah depends on your heart being clean. Everytime you expose it to filth, more dirt, more blackness, more covers are poured on top of your heart and it keeps on pouring and pouring to the point where your listening to the word of Allh and you cant even get yourself to shed a single tear. It wont come because your heart has become so hard because of all the exposure to filth. All the sin that your eyes are taking in all the time.

A good heart when it sees something inappropriate that doesnt coincide with the commandments of Allah, it is disturbed.

He knows the stealing of the eyes, that little glance you caught, and he knows what the chests are hiding.

We need to fix ourselves and keep those forbidden things away from us before our hearts become to hard. if that means unfollowing those people who have been a negative force in your life in order to set yourself right then that is the path you should take.

We should always remember that Allah sees everything before we even intend for it or before we even act upon it.

This is also a good preparation for the month of Ramadan that we should constantly be cleansing our hearts Inshallah. Have a good pure heart is what a true believer should have and having a good pure heart will help us be more productive in the month of Ramadan.


Asalaamualaikum my the grace and mercy of Allah (SWT) i am here today.

I recently came across comment posts by a few people from sister Yasmin Mogahed website and reading their comments made me realise that what ever i am going through is not the end of the world and there are worse things in this Dunya. It truly put contentment in my heart and made me realise all over again the greatness of Allah’s decree.

What is success?

It should be clear in our mind what is success? This Dunya describes success as being wealthy, having good status or to marry a person we love whether he is not fit for us or take us away from Allah. But in reality, to attain this Dunya is not success. You will still be successful no matter if you have nothing, no wealth, status, job or love of a special person etc. The criteria of success is what Allah has defined for us.

Everyone who is striving for Allah, who loves for sake of Allah and does good deeds just for Him and leaves everything which displeases Him or forbidden, is having REAL SUCCESS. If Allah takes that gift (thing or person) away which is a barrier between us and Allah, we still are in loss? If anyone indulges in Dunya and remains away from Allah, is it really a success?

In Quran Allah says: No; but you prefer the present life, whereas the Hereafter is better and more enduring. (86;16-17). Lo! Man is in a state of loss; save those who have faith and do righteous deeds, and counsel each other to hold on to truth and counsel each other to be steadfast. (103; 2-3). So, what you think Allah is still injustice?.

Our Allah in His Mercy, is keeping that person away from you and making your way towards Him. So don’t be hopeless and lose your trust and faith. Be thankful to Allah for His blessings. You have wished for His love. So Allah has made your way towards REAL SUCCESS, SUBHANALLAH. So don’t be sad, Allah is not punishing you or angry with you, this is trap of shaytaan. Don’t bother others, what they are doing or saying. and remember each hardships is designed by Allah to purify us. To make gold pure, it has to be heated. Diamond is diamond, but to make it shiny, it has to undergo several cuts. Remind yourself all these things again and again whenever you are in agony.

To leave this Dunya (person or thing), no doubt, seems to be difficult. And also we feel we are unable to do well. But remember we have to strive after each fall in a same way as an infant ultimately learns to walk after multiple falls. If he leaves struggle, he would never be able to walk. Just have trust and faith. Allah has best plan for you. He has selected for you the best person, be patient. Ask Allah for his help and guidance. He is merciful and loves to forgive His slaves. Recite Quran with tafseer, you will feel as Allah is consoling and guiding you through Quran.

After i read this what ever i faced in the past seemed so small and the time i wasted on worrying about certain things i didnt realise slowly it was taking me away from what is most important. “if we use this Dunya to get to Allah then it will not be an illusion anymore, but if we use this Dunya for people and material gain we have lost the main objective and we shall be amongst the fooled” When i think of this now I sit and wonder how precious time is and shaytaan will try to take that away from you by making you think and do things that will slowly take you away from Allah. Always remember that your Emaan is very important it can either make or break you. Allah will never leave you….Just Remember this….always put your full Yaqeen(certainty) in Allah because when your heart is breaking only Allah can heal it.

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