This is a compilation of various lectures i have listened to and have constructed notes in order so that everyone can learn and benefit Inshallah.
In today’s times it seems to be very difficult for women and men to find a good Muslim husband or wife, perhaps they dont know how to go about doing it that is why it is very important to also try to attend a marriage class before you decide to get married.
Facilitating marriage for yourself:
1) Always smile and show confidence and happiness
2) Have purpose in your life
3) Never approach someone directly
Conversations before marriage:
Many people are completely off the bar when it comes down to having a conversation a good conversation in order to find a proper spouse should be about:
– Religion, children, finances, employment, education, plans for the future, relationship with parents, habits you both have, health and the ultimate vision for the family.
Alot of people when they get married they are stuck in this honeymoon phase which will eventually come to an end its not to say that marriage should not be happy but reality comes to play. One needs to keep in mind the differences between men and women and the way in which they deal with problems and their thought processes and their understanding of what love is. Men need attention whereas women need emotional attention. A man will learn to love a women that he is attracted to and a women will learn to find attractive a man that she loves.
It is a mistaken belief that the “right one is out there” this is where love at first sight comes in and if you focus on your emotiions regarding a particular person then there will not be an objective because you were more focused on the chemistry, first look for the qaulities that you are looking for and then on chemistry true love takes time to develop. many people focus on these question “The right partner will fulfill my every need” it is unrealistic to expect another to fulfill all your needs, marriage is designed to fulfill certain specific needs things that we would like in our partners and things we need, ultimately we need to distinguish between the two. “True love can overcome any obstacles” this is also very unrealistic we should avoid finding and seeking solutions to problems and believing that love is enough we should be realistic in our love.There are 3 kinds of people 1) he or she keeps looking for the person that fills the ideal in their minds 2) you find the “one” and after marriage you realise that the person is not the 1 3) you marry “the one” and the one leaves you and you end up not wanting to marry again because of the grief that has overcome you.
When you love someone, love them moderately because he or she might become your enemy tommorow. If you hate someone, dislike him moderately because he or she might become your beloved tommorow.
Love is not enough to make a marriage work you need a degree of compatability and commitment. someone told me that if you are compatible in deen that you will be compatible in everything else, to me this makes sense because when two people are on the same road together their strength will only increase when faced with obstacles and thus being strong in deen together they will have sabr through anything.
“Arguments are a sign that the marriage is not working” this is not true, arguments are healthy for a marriage it is not the argument that is the issue it is how we argue , how we address ourselves.
“it is only true love that are able to dissolve differences” one should agree to disagree certain times compromising is the best solution to a problem.
“We are only compatible when we share similiar interests” having similiar interests does not solve core aspects. if you have a partner who does not share the same interests perhaps you should consider doing things that the other likes and perhaps you will find joy in it.
To end off i would just like to say before you get married dont look at someones beauty or there looks because those things will diminish although it is not bad if you want looks but remember not to make that a deciding factor. Deen is very crucial in marriage. I may not be married and you do not have to be married in order to provide someone else advice who is married. Always remember to put your full Yaqeen (certainty) in Allah and you will see your life will flourish. Allah is the best of planners.
Woman are gifts from Allah from Allah to men.
Brothers do not play with any woman’s heart. Be honest and sincere and follow your intentions with your actions. Remember you will be a father someday. Would you stand and watch if someone played with your daughter and deceived her? And sisters remember, if a brother shows an interest in you and he is not willing to commit to you with marriage, then don’t worry have faith in Allah and wait for the one who would be willing to commit.
My Muslim Sisters, don’t let some brothers play you and deceive you.
Leading you on by giving you hopes of marriage and having you get involved in a a haram relationship. Fear Allah sisters, if he’s TRUE to the Love he claims he has for you and the commitment he has towards you then he will get in touch with your wali as soon as possible.
Otherwise, if he backs off and let’s you know that he can’t do anything about it, then know that it was just a big lie because the truth is, the person who sincerely and truthfully wants you will always find a way to come to your wali and will try his best to marry you.
May Allah grant all the sisters the best of this world and the hereafter. Ameen.